Stoner Virgo stop! Listen to “Also sprach Zarathustra” from “2001: A Space Odyssey.” This should give you the impact and necessary tone for your August reading. You see stoner Virgo, Mercury is in retrograde for you in the August time period. Perhaps a meditative smoke session with the sacred herb should take place during this reading. You see, August will present a sort of choose-your-own-adventure stoner Virgo.
Please adjust your seat into a full and upright position. Your flesh spacecraft is about to experience turbulence. Mercury retrograde will jam all communication devices. No new adventures should originate during this time period. Be alert and aware during the final summer month. Murphy is clearly in charge and you have no control. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
OR stoner Virgo. You can choose the adventure based in logic and reason. You see Mercury in retrograde may be a myth or a pseudoscience built on illogical coincidence and anecdotal experience. Mercury doesn’t ever move backwards! This retrograde term is based entirely on perception. Mercury’s orbit is smaller than Earth’s. And when it speeds passed Earth, it only appears to move backward. This happens about four times a year, and it is occurring now during your sign. I figured a nice logical explanation would be the perfect joint for you to smoke stoner Virgo. When you hear about the dreaded retrograde and your impending doom, please smoke about it and forget about it.
To be on the safe side, or a little paranoid, you should retrace your steps for the year. Toke time to analyze what got you to this point and where you are headed. You will find appreciation in triumphs and potentially discover missed opportunities that propelled you to this point in your astrological timeline. Avoid starting new projects, but begin planning your steps after Mercury has safely passed into another sign’s influence.