Tag Archives: #stonerhoroscopes

Gemini November 2015

Stoner Gemini, I can’t say that November will be an easy month for you; so you must be able to take the good in with the bad, and have faith that things will work themselves out.  Since the planets have shifted against you, you will be subject to an abnormal amount of negative energies, but only you can ultimately control how they affect you.

Stay focused on the present, trying to improve what you currently have rather than starting anew.  Your career might not be continually progressing at the rapid rate you had hoped, or maybe you feel that what you are doing today doesn’t seem to be helping you reach future goals, or maybe you feel like you just can’t get anything right:  This is only temporary and the only way to get through it is to keep puffin’ along.  Like I said, here and now.  Don’t try to overcompensate by biting off more than you can chew.  Stay professional, take any criticisms with grace, and know that in good time, everything will fall into place.  Work will be the main source of stress this month, so consider some office yoga or mid-day meditation to help keep yourself centered.  I would also recommend keeping a sneak a toke handy for emergencies.

Continue to focus on yourself this month.  Your overall health will become very important to you during November, and understandably so.  When other parts of your life become chaotic, it’s only natural that you would look for control within yourself.  Whether you are changing your diet, exercising more, or meditating with help of the sacred herb; let the positive changes flow and manifest from the inside out.  

Virgo November 2015

The universal energies in November are going to cause the stoner Virgo some unusually odd occurrences.  You may need to keep your pipe full of indica this month as things will not go according to plan for you my cannabis companion.  Knowing this in advance, you need to put a lid on your analytical side.  There will be no way to make sense of all the insanity surrounding you.  The indica will allow you to watch and learn without having to become overly involved.  This month’s energies are not aimed at you specifically.  Ergo you should be able to skate by this very trying time with little bruises if you choose to be prepared.  Which cannot be said for most of the zodiac.

With every sign in the cosmos having a hard time you will need to watch your tone and tongue with your personal relationships.  Do not allow your harshly overcritical self to show its face in November.  It’s normal for you expect perfection or nothing at all:  Virgo you will greatly miss out on the beauty of this lifetime if you do not cage that beast.  Kind words and affection will go a long way for you in November.  IF you choose to pay attention to this you will be rewarded and any spats you find yourself in will easily be concluded.  Use that charisma and let your love light shine.

Work for my stoner Virgo’s should be amiable.  If you have taken all proper considerations into account, set up all back up plans and have made all the right moves you should easily attain your goals this month.  The sharks are out there and they are waiting on your to slip up.  Being your very prepared self you can avoid any contact with them if you did in fact take all necessary precautions.

Although November may not be the best month of 2015 for you my stoner Virgo; stay prepared, be kind, and you will puff puff pass right through this odd month.  

Capricorn November 2015

Stoner Ram this November you need to show your true self to the world.  You have a tendency to wear your less positive traits as a shell to protect yourself.  Unfortunately this month being detached, gloomy and self-centered will do you every injustice.  Call upon your sincere, self-controlled, ambitious and faithfully determined self to protect you.  Your honesty and integrity lie on the line.  Be true to yourself, follow your intuition and you will find that you make it out of November better than you first thought.  

The trials of the Winter Solstice will be varying degrees of frustrating for you in both your finance and personal life.  The golden rule is one you must apply to both areas.  Your friends need you.  Your co-workers need you.  Management needs you.  You need you.  Take care of you first:  Spend quality time meditating with the sacred herb.  This self introspection will allow you to also give to the others in your life that need your help during your own personal trials.  Everything you do now to help others will come back to you.  Karma is never a  bitch when you are doing the right thing.

What you need to remember when dealing with your many personal dilemmas this month:  You will not be alone so do not be afraid to ask for help.  Listen to others this month but act of your own accord and you will see why this is all happening soon.  Do not overindulge in anything.  Lastly be sure to lean on the sacred herb when making your decisions.  Stoner Capricorn you can get through this and you will find December to be much more rewarding.  

Sagittarius November 2015

Stoner Sagittarius, grab the bag of shag, the secret stash of sacred herb, or the scrounge bowl salvaged from dresser drawers as you can expect November to be a time where you may have to hurry up and wait.  This doesn’t mean you have to resign yourself to couchlock, you just may find yourself indecisive and in this particular case rushing will be of no help.  Don’t worry about feeling stagnate, Sagittarius, as there is little that you can do help fix the situation that may be at hand.  And this does not translate as meaning you are helpless, there are just sometimes where the universe brings us chaos—the best thing you can do is muddle through and look toward coming out the other side wiser and more patient than before.  Be cautious that you do not let the ambiguity of your own happenings flow over into the lives of those closest to us.  Although you may want to share that bowl with friends or family, remember that your ability to help may be restricted this month and you may contribute to the problem instead of bringing relief.

On the upside, all of the medicinally induced meditation at home you may be indulging will assist you in seeing through the potentially ill intentions of peers in the workplace.  This does not mean all of their actions are meant maliciously, but it may be recommended to go with the flow of events in our best efforts to keep the peace.  So, at home, be sure to keep the piece clean and some fresh Sativa on hand just in case the days are extra draining and you need a little extra comfort and help concentrating at home.

Aquarius November 2015

Aquarius, although autumn is upon us, be sure to recharge those batteries and soak up as much of the dwindling sunlight as the seasons will allow.  With the ever shortening sun at your back, your attitude can only benefit.  This is not to say that November will be completely smooth sailing, however, with your stockpile of positive energies you should be able to avoid any drastic or dire situations that come your way.

In the workplace, keep it pushing.  If you feel like your actions and efforts on the job are going unnoticed, fear not.  Even if your employer is not giving you direct credit for your efforts, your results speak for themselves.  So don’t fret.  Continue to show all your potential and capabilities and the acknowledgements will soon follow.  In the meantime, when you get the chance to relax do so with extra vigor.  To counter the hard work you put in during the nine-to-five, don’t forget to allow yourself the time to unwind at home.  Spark one up and then enjoy the fresh fall air while the rain isn’t dampening your groove.

Things on the home front may seem a little more bumpy than usual.  But, with the help of our wonderful muse Mary Jane, home life will conduct itself a little more smoothly.  Remember that although you can help those around you, it is not always possible to fix others’ problems completely.  It is always considered kind to offer to share the chronic relief, but this will not always be the solution.  Sometimes the best remedy is to offer to share—if that is not what that person needs then the next best thing may be a simple as to offer to listen.

Pisces October 2015

The days are dwindling in their light, stoner Pisces, but your energies are telling you to reach for the stars.  This month may feel like an all-time high, but be sure to not lose sight of the ground.  If it feels like your accomplishments are coming just a bit too easily, don’t fret, it just means you’ll find something else to be excited about.  You have enough “can do” attitude to complete your to-do list and help others accomplish theirs.

 Pay attention to your closest buds.  They may need you to lend them an ear…and a bowl.  But you will be strong enough to provide the support that they require.  Enjoy these moments of peace and pipe, rushing from problem to problem can be more tiring than anticipated, and stoner Pisces you have much to get done.  Stay away from the more ‘grounding’ strains.  It will be better if you can keep light on your feet and ready for what surprises may be next.

Although you feel upbeat and that the sky may be the limit, focus on those closest to you.  Spreading yourself too thin will only limit the help you are able to provide to loved ones.  Keep to the Sativas, as the uplifting qualities of this sacred plant will support your feelings of inspiration.  Remember that just because you yield to a lover does not mean that you’ve lost your own will.  Sometimes it is better to meet that person in the middle and find a path that the two of you will be excited to explore.

Capricorn October 2015

Stoner Capricorn, I am going to keep your October horoscope brief this month.  The skies surrounding the stoner Capricorn for October are cloudy and the direct point of action is ambiguous.  I do not want to confuse your emotions of direction with random guesses and hyperbole.

The sacred herb should not be used to cope in October stoner Capricorn.  Avoid any Indica that will tune the world out.  Stick to the Sativa strains for more impact on energy and concentration.

October is all about the two E‘s and two C‘s.

Energy & Effort:  With cloudy skies blocking the vision of what’s in front of you for October, you will need energy and effort to combat or take advantage of any sudden solar winds in your direction.  You must take care and attention in your workplace or business in October with Energy and Effort.

Care & Consideration:  I cannot tell you about any impending triumphs or pitfalls coming in October.  To combat the ambiguity, you must take Care and Consideration with your loved ones.  Keep your eyes and heart vigilant to spot the needs of people around you.
When you are driving through foggy weather, you must be vigilant and cautious.  Good luck stoner Capricorn.  I will continue to look out for you daily.

Libra September 2015

You have the support of many astrological entities this month and September should prove to be a very positive time for you.  Stoner Libra, your drive for life and spreading the good vibes is one of the most admirable things about you.  You might feel slightly overwhelmed at everything you have planned this month between fun and work.  If you can plan appropriately, you won’t miss a beat.  I suggest a nice hybrid, to keep your body and mind feeling alright. September, like you, is all about keeping that balance.

The most exciting thing about your life right now is that you’re starting to truly realize what’s most important.  You desire a more “back to basics” lifestyle.  You’re starting to acknowledge that you might not need that $300 dab rig right now. Before making any purchase, stop and ask yourself, is this REALLY going to make me happy?

“The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively” – Bob Marley

Your loved ones and close friends are the only people you’ll want to give your time to this month.  Recognize who and what is bringing negativity into your life, and cut them out immediately.  Life’s too short to hang out with bad vibes.  You will also start to feel a shift in your thoughts towards having a partner. What used to seem like an inconvenience, no longer seems so bad.  And maybe, just maybe, that joint would be better smoked with that special someone.

Stay positive and one love!