Tag Archives: #stonerhoroscopes

Virgo May 2016

Stoner Virgo, you cannot get off this ride.  You paid for the ticket, the belts are locked, and the cars are in motion.  The beginning of the month will be like the ascent of the ride.  During this early stage of the month take the time to meditate with the sacred herb and focus on self-confidence.  If you know there is a giant drop or twists and turns coming, you should be able to rationalize that you will be just fine.  You have the proper tools to make it through the ride unscathed.

In regards to your workplace, you are the master of your realm.  You need to write down your measurable, attainable, and acceptable goals.  You can accomplish your goals with thoughtful, organized, and concerted effort.  You know all this, work is easy, right?

Is it a twist, a turn, or a drop that is in front of you stoner Virgo?  The cosmos is swirling and the clouds are dark near the end of May.  In the last 10 days of the period, your loving emotions can run wild.  Self-confidence and self-belief will get you through any scary dip or drop that you may not be expecting.  The meditative session with the sacred herb in the beginning of the month can save your nerves at the end of the month.  Just like the redundant safety mechanisms on the carnival ride, you have built wonderful stabilizing features to your life.  Breathe deep, the answers and solutions are inside.

Aquarius May 2016

Just like the weather, stoner Aquarius, this month will have its highs and lows.  But, just because we cannot predict the rain, doesn’t mean that we cannot prepare for it.  May is sure to bring with it plenty of positivity.  This does not mean that opportunity will always present itself clearly.  During this time, it will be a good idea to slow your roll.  Pack that bowl and pick a snack, but instead of turning on the tv, allow your imagination some time to grow and see where it takes you.

You will continue to be an asset in the workplace Aquarius.  You’ll be able to “keep it fresh” all throughout the month.  This means your problem-solving skills and unique approaches to unexpected issues will definitely produce noticeable results.  Stick to sativa strains if you want to maintain your awesome levels of prosperity.  It will provide that second wind in the evening times so you will be able to recuperate and keep it rockin’ through your work week.

It’s probably a good thing Aquarius, that your performance is elevated at work; the home front may not be as smooth.  When it comes to your significant other, don’t get caught up in the chaos of who is ‘right’.  Those energies will prove to be much more beneficial if you and your partner spend them trying to compromise rather than dominate.  If needed, take a break…a smoking break that is.  You just need to remember that it’s okay to branch out.  If one, or BOTH of you, needs some space be sure to take it.  Enjoying the peace pipe, even if you are toking in separate smoking circles, will provide the time needed to re-evaluate and maybe reconsider your positions on the problems.  

Gemini April 2016

This April, you will feel some negative emanations from a few of the planets, but it will not be without some positive reinforcement to balance out the overall feel of the month.  Brace yourself for the ups and downs of April’s roller coaster, Stoner Gemini.  It is important that you are aware of your surroundings and the company you keep at this time.  You may be let down by some, and surprised by others when given the chance. Some things (and people) are not always as they seem. Lean on the sacred herb to help guide your intuition this month.

To progress in your current work situation, it will be necessary for you to try a new approach to get ahead and resolve any pressing issues that you’ve been struggling with.  Even if this is not your permanent career choice, take advantage of the opportunities set before you, and use it as a way to transform yourself.  Start with something small, and all other things should slowly start to follow and fall into place.  You may find yourself shockingly surprised at the open-ended possibilities available to you.

While you work on yourself, it will also be important to be in sync in your relationships with those around you.  Unnecessary negativity will only distract you from the mental clarity you have been seeking.  Try not to get overwhelmed with the flood of thoughts and ideas flowing through your head, and don’t be too quick to act on any one thing.  Take your time and give each thought the appropriate time needed before making any decisions.  Life is not a race.

Use the sacred herb to help you gain some peace of mind this month.  Stay calm and collected with a nice Indica strain.

Cancer April 2016

When is the last time you had a true and forcefully positive life change stoner Crab? Well, April may be just the month for it to happen.  The cosmos have aligned just so that you’ll be feeling positive and productive.  Take full advantage of the vivacious energies headed your way by sticking to a sativa and be amazed at all you will accomplish!

The working world for the cannabis-loving Cancer will undergo some major changes this month.  The life force you feel will help you adapt and conquer any and all challenges.  Do your best to remain open to all ideas.  With so much going on in your daily routine it may be best to lay the pipe down at work or use it minimally  when you need to heighten your creative side.  Let the universal vibes work their magic through you and all will fall nicely into place.

With work being all a blazed in positivity be certain to pay attention to your loved ones when at home.  If you don’t you could find yourself in a sticky situation that has nothing to do with dabs.  Keeping your eyes and heart open will help you negate any potential problems. Use your intuition and maybe meditate with a nice indica with your special someone.  It will help alleviate any stress and allow open communication thus keeping April on the ups.  You won’t escape personal usurps just because you’re single.  Take the latter info and apply it to your circle of friends.  If you heed this advice your April will be a blissful cloud riding month!

Scorpio March 2016

Do you feel the positivity flowing stoner, Scorpio?  You have tapped into the universal energy and its exuding throughout your life this March.  The cosmos have aligned perfectly so that you will feel the exhilaration of all your previous work coming to a head.  That does not mean you get to relax, ergo, leave the medibles to a minimum this month.

All those projects you’ve assigned to yourself over the first quarter of 2016 are going to come together better than a fresh nug of moon rock.  In fact, you’ll find that you are more easily finishing all your projects this month.  The only thing you need to be wary of is overconfidence and poor decision making.  Stay sharp with a sativa heavy hybrid in your pipe and think through all your decisions before taking action.  Keep your feet on the ground until you get home.

It will be hard not to float in this super-charged high of love this month Scorpio!  Some might say your luck outshines the four leaf clover this March when it comes to personal relationships.  You will attain your objectives if you supply yourself with a firm foundation by mid-month.  Come St. Patrick’s Day you will be blessed with bounties of attention and you should toke it up while you can!  You deserve it stoner Scorpio!

Leo February 2016

Stoner Leo, February will be an unbalanced month.  Successes, triumphs, and wins will burn bright in your life; whereas failures, demotions and losses will be dull and muted.  Even though the peaks will deviate from the mean higher than the valleys, you must be aware and prepare for the swings because they will be wild and sudden.

Ready, set, go!  Stoner Leo, the month of February starts out with a bang.  Bring your energy to the first part of the month and accomplish what you can right away.  Avoid the Indica, and seek the Sativa during this energetic time period.  The goal of your meditative smoke sessions in February will be to achieve balance, and gain understanding of the fluctuations of life.  Part of seeking this balance is recognizing overindulgence.  The sacred herb is a magical plant, but overindulgence can take away some of its best properties.  You are a powerful being, keep your sword sharp.  Dull edges are less efficient.

February is the month of love for the stoner Leo.  Some of those high peaks in your monthly chart center around intimacy.  Don’t put too much pressure on Valentine’s Day, but make sure you are open and available to your lover.  All you have to be is yourself for those that love you.  The fireworks will out shine the squabbles.
Single stoner Leos need to be in the moment with prospective partners.  Don’t let my words or Valentine’s Day force you into anything that doesn’t come naturally, but you must lower your guard and be available for magic.

Scorpio February 2016

The month of February is well within your ability to stay balanced.  In fact, just show up and be yourself in every situation and you should come out smelling like a nice batch of special cookies all month long.  Of course, if I could leave it at just that what good would I be to you?

Your love life should be smooth sailing if you continue to be your diplomatic, calm and caring self.  It will enable you to easily overcome a few obstacles that will bounce in just to bother you.  Be sure to pay special attention to your immediate family members as they need some reassurance that they are being heard and loved.  Keep all negativity away from your home front!  With Valentines in the air consider a cannabis infused massage oil treatment for you and your loved one.  Who can be angry when completely relaxed on cloud 9?

Work, work, work, you do a lot of work.  You will be rewarded this month if you are more than a middle manager.  Genuinely, the more freedom you have in your workplace the more you will prove your worth.  All toking Scorpios will need to quickly circumvent any misunderstandings with partners or managers by again, being cool headed.  If you  feel the need to take a break at work keep a dug out handy with a little Sativa to keep your spirits uplifted throughout the work day.  Enjoy your month Stoner Scorpio!

Leo December 2015

Stoner Leo, December is an interesting time for you.  You may feel like the universe is ignoring you.  Cosmic currents will be flowing under the surface, and their direction or pull may be hidden from you.  Meditative smoke sessions will help you see beyond the thin veil that obscures your vision.  Try to focus on the perspective of others and see how you navigate your way through the human anthill.

The work and business life of the stoner Leo is where most of the hidden obstacles and objects lie in December.  Think of work as a game of hide and seek.  You don’t want to be discovered rocking the boat, but you also need to seek out obstacles in your way.  Check your side mirrors:  Objects may be closer than they appear.  Remember, hide and seek is not an aggressive game.  You only need to find the objects in your way in December.  If you make too much noise, you will be found by the negativity seeking you.

The holidays can be a stressful time for some, but not this year for you stoner Leo.  You will be able to handle all important decisions and social obstacles that come your way.  The ease of your social life will allow you to expand your horizons and take more chances.  You must be bold and confident with your decisions regarding love and friendship.  Social experiences will provide you with the most fulfilling opportunities this month.  Be kind.  Be generous.  Be yourself.

Aries December 2015

Stoner Aries, you’ve been looking for a break for months.  Get ready as December 2015 is your lucky month!  Beautiful developments will be flowing around you like clouds of vape.  Finally something is giving for you Ram!  Do not get too swept up in the excitement as you will need to pay attention in order to keep things positive.  For example:  Your working world will be all a buzz.  Keep the sativa handy as you will need your wits about you.  At this time you will need to be open minded my cannabis companion or you will create negativity.  Look at all your options before making a decision.  Then seize every opportunity that fits your long term goals and work like you’ve never worked before.  You will see great things happen and new platforms to jump off of.

Emotional satisfaction will come easily to you stoner Aries.  Ram Dass says it best: “Be Here Now”.  That is exactly what you will need to do everyday this month in regards to your personal relationships.  Focus on what it is you need and want.  Don’t be surprised if you have to make a decision that your family does not consider in your best interest.  You know what is best for you.  Stick to your guns.

As for your love life: Your partner will be very giving, be sure to give in return and things will be as blissful as an indica laden gravy.  For those unattached you will find great moments with potential lovers all month. (Be Here Now with an Open mind!!)

Pisces November 2015

Stoner Pisces, this November the best plan of action may be as simple as making good plans.  Maybe there is a new art exhibit in a nearby town you’ve been wanting to see.  Or, a new hiking trail a good friend recommended to you that you’ve been aching to climb.  Be sure to pack your bowl, but also, wait until you’ve reached your final destination before you spark it up.  The light may be dwindling as the seasons transition – but this just means you have to be more selective with how you spend the waking hours.

There may be those in the workplace that are looking to veer you from your path of progress.  The best bet is to let those who are bent on creating confusion to be left to their own devices.  You can rest more peacefully knowing that at the end of the day you have your own (smoking) devices to come home to, so don’t worry too much.  Your goals will be easily accomplished as long as you avoid the negative distractions that others hope to send your way.  You can only control your own actions; if someone is trying to throw you off, that just means that person is wasting their efforts because guess what, you got this Stoner Pisces.

Your lover, if you have one, will embrace your peace with you and all should be well.  With no significant complications in the foreseeable future, enjoy and cherish these moments.  If nothing else, break out the ganja and get to celebrating.  While other signs may be struggling with the weather changing, you and yours can toke it up knowing that the universe smiles kindly on you and offers you support in pursuing your loftiest aspirations.