Earth Sign – The Virgin – August 23 – September 22

Nothing gets passed the stoner Virgo. The virgin of the stoner Zodiac is detail oriented, and always knows who’s holding the good green. No smoke circle is complete without this practical stoner. They may not know the most exotic smoke spots, but the stoner Virgo will always find a safe smoke spot.

The stoner Virgo is hyper-aware and often hyperactive. Calming strains like Granddaddy Purple and Jack Herer can help ease anxiety and bring more clarity to Virgo’s manic mind. The sacred herb in general helps the stoner Virgo ease the tension of living with a perfectionist’s aspirations.

The stoner Virgo is the perfect canna-buddy to help solve a problem or organize an idea. And this kind kush toker will always arrive on time to help a fellow cannabis companion.

Want a notification each month? Check out the podcast version of the horoscope!
Google Play

Virgo September 2015

Virgo stoner, the blessings of August were merely a training ground for the opportunities of September.  Mahatma Gandhi said, “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”  This message of inspiration and action are pointed directly at the Virgo stoner in September.

Celestial bodies are colliding in the cosmos and raining positive emanations down on the Virgo stoner in September.  This isn’t the time to lay down and sun bathe.  Gandhi’s inspirational words imply that action is required to affect the change you want to see in your life and this world.  The universe is giving you the positive green light to “be” in September, but you cannot waste this opportunity.  The blessings of the cosmos will be wasted if you do not act.

No matter what your station is in the machine of society, the cosmos has blessed you with an opportunity in September.  Meditate with the sacred herb early in the month.  Get your ideas and thoughts organized because September is the time to execute them.  Self employed Virgo stoners will have an easier time impacting the universe with change, but even the corporate warrior will be powerful in September.  Be wary stoner Virgo, this is not the time to lay back with couch lock and bask in the glow of the cosmos.  Ghandi’s wonderful message is one of action.  Be creative.  Be organized.  Be ambitious.  Be generous.  You must BE!

Virgo August 2015

Stoner Virgo, you have my sympathies.  The last couple months have not been the best way to start your summer.  Sympathies can turn to cheers in August!  The dark cloud of frustration and challenges has passed you by.  Puff puff pass the bowl, August is finally your time to shine this summer.

Stoner Virgo you are like an action hero with both guns blazing in August.  No task is too difficult and no problem is too big to accomplish what you want to get done.  This is no time for couch lock, be cognizant of your smoke sessions.  This month brings a rare opportunity for productivity and ambition.  You don’t want to waste the blessings of the cosmos drooling and staring at the TV.  Stay heady and keep your head.

Warning:  The universe could punish you if you don’t take advantage of your gift.  If you keep your guns holstered in August and let the month slip by without action, you will find the universe will replace your inactivity with problems.

Be very careful with your personal relationships.  Your energy and efforts to get things done in August may intimidate some close to you.  If envy manifests itself in others around you, play it cool.  This feeling is their own, and it isn’t your responsibility to solve.  Avoid conflict, and allow others to work out their own problems.

Virgo July 2015

Virgo stoner, I know June was a struggle.  The cosmic forces were against you.  Unfortunately the struggle of June will continue into July.  But instead of the all encompassing waves of negativity, the universe is granting you a break in the clouds, and the sun will shine through.

A new light will shine in July regarding your business life!  The hangover from June will fade after the first week of July, and your energy will return.  Spark up a bowl of sativa, and get to work.  The middle of July should see significant opportunities with work and business.  Use the sacred herb as a catalyst for change as you transition from the gloom of June into the sun of July.  Pay attention and take advantage of your opportunities.

As always in life, you have to take the good with the bad.  Unfortunately the hangover from June in your personal life will not lift as easy as your business life.  Be careful and gentle with your cannabis companions and lover.  You must balance the energy you feel in your work life with the challenges of your personal life.  You should use the sacred herb as a catalyst for work, whereas you should lean on the sacred herb for insight and coping in your personal life.  Noticing details are important to take advantage of opportunities at work, whereas they are critical to avoid damaging confrontations in your relationships.  Good luck, positivity!

Virgo June 2015

Virgo stoner, batten down the hatches!  Sound the alarms!  We are going down!  You will need to seal your ship well to survive the pressures of the negative depths June will push you to.  The Indica species of the sacred herb will be your friend in June.  Contemplative meditation is a requirement for you this month.

The golden rule of June:  Combust the sacred herb before dealing with a combustible situation.  The universe has given you a difficult month to deal with stoner Virgo, but you can get through without drowning as long as you keep your cool.  You MUST see yourself from a new perspective in June.  You MUST also take criticism from others with care and understanding.  This may not be easy for you, but defensive and confrontational behavior will only push you to further depths of negativity.

These warnings and rules apply to both your workplace and love life.  If you recognize the dangers and go into June with a plan, you will be able to survive without losing position or love.  The message of June isn’t just about conflict avoidance, it’s about empathy and understanding of those around you.  One of my favorite phrases is suited just for you this month stoner Virgo, “Breathe and let it be.”

Virgo May 2015

Virgo stoner, progress can be boring sometimes.  If I were to tell you that no significant events or forces would be in action in May, would that please or depress you?  Honesty and straightforwardness are ingrained in your psyche, so I will give it to you straight.  The world is what you make of it in May.

There are no overwhelming forces pushing or pulling you in one particular direction in May.  The universe is at a stand-still when it comes to your life.  This provides a wonderful opportunity if you are up to the challenge.  It’s time to unleash creativity and introspection.

Spark one up, and use the sacred herb as a catalyst for your adventure in May.  You must unleash your creative instincts and use your organizational skills to document and plan for the future.  If you don’t take action in May, the month will pass you by with no significant result.  Put time and thought into what interests you, and document your creative thoughts and ideas.  Do this for what is important to you, whether it be work, a relationship, or investments.  The universe has blessed you with a gift in May, but it requires your action and attention.

“When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself.”  Bob Marley.  How often do you think about yourself and your position on Earth and in time?  May is the perfect month to take some time for yourself with the sacred herb and contemplate who you are.  

Virgo April 2015

Stoner Virgo, April is a period of time where your true nature will shine through without obstruction.  As you know, this can be good and bad as you have great qualities that are often contradicted by social struggles.  April brings a gift to the Virgo stoner.  This is the perfect time for introspection to work on the personality qualities you would like to improve while your main set of characteristics guide you through the month.  Spark one up stoner Virgo, the sacred herb has always been your friend for journeys inside yourself and can help guide you to great growth in April.

Work will be smooth and prosperous in April as long as you put your normal analytical focus into it.  You should lean on your skills of observance and make precision decisions in the workplace.  Trust yourself, you got this.

Your personal life is free from negativity in April.  This information does not mean to invite you to kick back and take it easy!  April is the perfect month for activity and bonding with friends and loved ones.  Avoid any depressants like liquor in April.  Seek the soul freeing guidance of the sacred herb, and find fun-loving adventure.  Take a hike with your family.  Go on that road trip with your best friend.  Take a trip to the beach.  Take your kids to the arcade.  There are so many things you have been thinking of doing with friends and family whether you are single, married, young, or old …. April is the time to make it happen.

Virgo March 2015

As a stoner Virgo you are consistently breaking down barriers and stereotypes associated with the lifestyle of someone who consumes the sacred herb.  The battle for respect and legitimacy can be frustrating at times, but your fight is worth it. March may bring enemies to the gate of your mental house.  This harmful agent may be hiding in the weeds, and closer than you realize.  Negativity will surround your personal relationships like a cloud of skunk weed.  Be cautious and measured with your decisions and actions with close friends and loved ones in March.  Just because it feels like forces are against you, it doesn’t mean firm action is required. Chill out and relax, there is better use of your time in March.  Pouring yourself into work may be the best action to avoid the negative energies surrounding personal relationships.

As the tainted clouds fill your head with personal relationships, the comfy kushy clouds will form over your business dealings in March.  Stoner Virgo, March is the time to be diligent and take action in your business or at work.  Positive waves will crash at your door like a smooth reggae song with a productive beat.  The planets line up particularly well for the stoner Virgo with an entrepreneurial spirit.  March is a month where old projects and ideas will be fulfilled, and new ventures will be inspired and created.  If you are working for the man in the machine of society, don’t fret.  Advancement opportunities can be found in March for the stoner Virgo stuck in the machine.

Virgo February 2015

Virgo stoner get ready, get set, GO!  If you’re ready, February will bring the kind of freedom you seldom enjoy.  Nothing will stop you from enjoying the productivity you crave as obstacles will fall to the side and your ambition, inspiration, and attention will lead the charge through the month.  The only warning this month will come from within.  Productivity is dependent on action and inspiration.  Without those two attributes, you could waste the blessed opportunity February holds.

Spark one up!  Stoner Virgo, the first half of February is crucial to develop your ideas and plans.  Stick to the strains that you feel are most in touch with your creative side in the first half of the month because honest reflection and analysis will be required to develop your plan for moving forward.  Bob Marley, “When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself.”

Don’t lose focus stoner Virgo.  The second half of the month will be the time to put your plan into action.  February is the perfect month to take the creative inspirations you have developed and implement them into reality.  The free flow of ideas and the action to implement them will feel fantastic as you have a tail wind at your back.

For stoner Virgos lucky in love, February will be fortunate as negative forces will be held at bay.  There is good and bad news regarding relationships in February.  The good news is there will be a significant event which could make a major impact on your life.  The bad news is that you can’t dwell on this significant event or try to impact it.  Embrace your mellow stoner side Virgo because you can’t control this potential event.  With negative energies at a minimum you will successfully navigate the major relationship event with confidence and decisiveness.  Just be you! 😉

Virgo January 2015

Stoner Virgo, January comes with a battle you can win.  Forces are moving against each other with amazing possibilities of confidence and understanding in front of a backdrop of negative energy pushing against you.  January will feel like riding the roller coaster of a powerful edible.  But you’ve got this pot brownie under control, you are in charge in January.  Take a firm grip, and understand the roller-coaster is part of the journey.

For stoners with an entrepreneurial spirit January brings a powerful month where actions can have powerful effects. All hope is not lost for corporate warriors stuck in the machine.  If you put forth your best effort, January will bring advancement and promotion in the workplace.  January is the time to take risks and be confident in yourself.  Avoid the paranoia and couch lock of the Indica strain and feel the impact and empowerment of the Sativa.

Oh stoner you are no dummy in January, the month brings power not just in the workplace but among your personal relationships.  Lives of friends and family will flow in harmony as if you are coordinating their impact in your life.  No one is going to anoint you grand Kush master this month, you must seize the opportunities and make your own decisions to accelerate the positive energies January holds.