Water Sign – The Crab – June 21 – July 22

Stoner Cancers are exactly like their symbol the crab: A hard outer shell protects a soft inner soul. These protective creatures find themselves puff puff passing amongst close cannabis companions more so than large smoke circles. But their favorite smoke spot is a soft warm private sanctuary.

The well balanced nature of the stoner Cancer leaves all sacred strain possibilities wide open. However, the stoner crab has a higher proclivity for food and baked treats. A deep dive with an edible in comfortable space is heaven to the stoner Cancer.

These stoner crabs are also more likely to find connectivity with their third eye through meditative smoke sessions. The mystical magic of the sacred herb can be honed and amplified by this stoner star sign.

Want a notification each month? Check out the podcast version of the horoscope!
Google Play

Cancer July 2015

Breathe in life’s energy, breathe out success.  Breathe in the positivity of the universe, breathe out happiness.  Breathe in your favorite trees, breathe out your worries.  My Stoner Crab you have an extraordinary month ahead of you!  My only serious note for you is to remember you are not a superhero, invincible, or even unbreakable.

Your love life:  What you think about, you will bring about.  No one will offer up opportunities for you here.  Who needs opportunities to be handed to them this month when they are shining with possibilities?  Not you my candid Cancer, not you.  Your energy alone will help you create every possible outcome you would like to see unfold.  Do not be ostentatious as it will not bid fairly for you especially if you are looking for love.   For my attached Crabs, you may come to a point with your lover that you have to give it your all this month.  It will be worth it so do not give up on yourself.

In your wondrous period of amazingness, know that work will require all your brain power in July.  No Cancer, you will not have to work hard in July to produce results, but you will have to be attentive!  If you need your sacred herb during working hours, I suggest a nice sativa to keep your mental powers moving forward.  It will help you to hash out all the new opportunities that are coming your way.  Do not try to take them all on!  Take time to listen to your heart as what you choose will require you to be into it wholeheartedly.  Enjoy this month Cancer!  You’ve earned it!

Cancer June 2015

My dearest Cancer, this month will be tiresome.  You will have to work very hard to maintain equilibrium.  Do not fall into the laziness that will call your name from the indica strains in June.  Keep your friendly sativa near to you throughout this month as it will help you with focus.  You will need focus this month!

Work will be a bit of a badger this June.  Pull together all your wits and energy to throw yourself into work to raise the bar.  Do not allow small problems to get in the way.  You can easily overcome them with the right attitude.  It is a time to remember to take breaks, meditate with a hit of sativa and enjoy music when you have some time during the working days this month my smoking Crab.  These breaks are crucial to maintaining your usually strong work ethic.  Working for the man?  Show them what you are made of; that you won’t let circumstance slow you down.  Working for yourself? You’ll have a much easier time this month.  Do not let that make you lazy!

Your love life is extremely important this month Crab.  Your lover will be your source of strength.  Though things may seem to be a bit cool for the lover in you, value your lover to the utmost this month.  They will be your salvation.  Listen to them and be there for them as much as they are for you.  Do not get caught up in your drama outside of your relationship.  Loner Crabs need to break out the hookah, turn on some Grateful Dead and  chill out.  Getting upset will not make this month easier for you.  Show some character and work on yourself.  You’ll be happy you did as the one isn’t too far from your reach.

Cancer May 2015

Dearest Cancer, May will be an enigmatic time for you.  You will feel the universe pulsating through you in very empathetic ways.  If you are utilizing the medical properties of the sacred herb for psychological benefits:  Don’t leave home without it.  On that note this is not the month to change up your regimen.  Stick with the stains that work best for you.

Work will prove to have many circumstances that  make you feel held back.  Remember you are capable.  You can work through this.  Stay positive no matter what is thrown at you.  This is not a time to slack!  Throw yourself into your work and show your co-workers and competition your strength by doing.  Keep your vape loaded for when you arrive home; as you will need to take time each day to reflect on what is happening around you.  My stoner Cancer, your working world will be complicated for some time.  Keep your wits about you and continue to lay the best foundation you can.  Eventually this will be your springboard into a much more profitable and enjoyable work environment.

Praise the universe in May as you will have luck, harmony and love on your side.  Your personal relationships will shine this fine spring month!  In the realm of a lovership be prepared for an astonishing and lavish feeling to touch both your souls.  It is a time for celebration!  Take a vacation, hit up the closest festival or go bungee jumping off the tallest building you can find.  It may be the first time you’ve ever felt this way.  Make sure you never forget it!

That being said, do not put off your loved ones!  Make sure you give them the time and connection to you that they are asking for.  They need you this month too. So while you may want to go gallivanting across the country, go home for Sunday dinner on Mother’s Day.

Cancer April 2015

Stoner Crab, are you ready for this month?  In April you will feel life’s forces running rampant through your veins.  Yes this is the break you’ve been waiting for.  The only stipulation with this energy is to use it wisely and save some for the future months where you will need it.  It is like you have received a gift of the finest medibles. Do not consume all at once.

The clever Crabs will blossom in their working lives.  It is a month to find the love of what you do and do it simply for that.  The material gains will follow only if they are not your main focus.  Take on those projects with zeal and enjoy them as they will turn out better than expected.  If you are not working in a field you truly enjoy it is time for some hybrid meditation sessions this month.  They will lead you down the right paths to find your true calling.

You may be feeling invincible this month and you should revel in it.  Enjoy these feelings and all they have to offer.  A word to the wise:  Be very careful how you go about swooning, seducing, or even just playing the moderator in a sticky situation between friends.  The power of your influence is HIGH and will evoke many strong reactions.  This is where you need to conserve a bit of the life force you’re feeling.  Personal conquests will prevail, but to whose expense and when will those consequences show up?  Be very wise on how you play with the power the universe is shining on you this month.  You won’t like it when those consequences sneak up on you like the red hair creeper you love so much.   

Cancer March 2015

Put on your dancing shoes and groove your way through the month of March my sweet leaf smoking Cancer!  It seems nothing can stop you this month.  Although nothing new will pop up and change you drastically; many things you were working towards will open up and bloom.  So get ready to skyrocket down those well thought out paths!

In your working world get ready for some heady situations.  You will be blessed with many opportunities that you thought were closed off to you.   All smoke signals point to a business partnership this month.  Are you working for yourself?  Have you been paying attention to your competition?  Are they struggling?  Maybe suggest a way to work together?  It will be a an amazing venture for all involved.   If you’re the worker bee and not the Queen of a business then step it up!  Keep your attention focused at work and take on that responsibility!  A promotion is in order.

Have you met your one and only someone to share that pan of mmm mmm medible brownies with?  If not you are on a path to meet that person this month.  If you are already attached you will have to choose.  These lovers will not be kind if you try to have them both.  It will be ok to let one go.  Do not second guess your choice as it will be the right one in the long run.  In fact you should celebrate with a “Hookah Smoking Caterpillar” kind of party for all your loved ones this month.  Stoner Cancer March is truly shining on you!  Breath in all the fabulous-ness you can and let the universe wrap it’s arms around you.

Cancer February 2015

Stoner Cancer, here is your checklist of needed items this month:  Sativa, Hybrid & CBD.  Don’t leave home without them!  It seems in February there will be a whirlwind of directions that will be going on for the mysterious Cancer.  You will work hard, celebrate well and overcome obstacles if only you try.  Use your expanded perception to accept the positivity that will reign down on you all month.

In work think divide and conquer.  Take on one task at a time.  Consider CBD if relief is needed at work or lay the pipe down completely during working hours.  The beginning of the month will overwhelm you with piles of work to comb through.  If you do not procrastinate you will feel relief by mid month.  Whether you work for yourself or you you are working for someone else:  Do not take on extra responsibilities at this time.  This is the month to stay between the lines.  Show up on time for everything, do what is required, then go home.  Don’t you dare think about eating that medible before bed on a work night!

In your house of partnerships, break out the Bub, fill it with some love and share an incredible month with your partner.  Single or attached: Now is the time to ask for your hearts desire.   As long as your wish does not push the limits of your partner, it is as good as granted.  In your circle of friends it seems there will be a few hurdles for each of you to jump through.  Band together, meditate with a nice Hybrid and you will find the answers you seek.  It may be up to you dear Cancer to put this together.

Cancer January 2015

This will be an interesting start to your new year Cancer.  This month you will find yourself biting your tongue, restraining your feelings and have a bridge or two to cross.  Break out your thickest skin and keep the Pocket Bub full of a nice Sativa.  Depending on your life course, you will be faced with a decision or two that will most definitely lay down the pathway of your year.  You will not be ambivalent about this decision, rather, you will have to stand up and own the decisions you make this month.  Be sure make them with solid facts and on solid ground.

Steer clear of all medibles when it comes to Finance and the Workplace.  Who wants to be couch locked when the cosmos are clear for you to move forward with those plans you’ve left on the back burner.  Whether its a new business venture or a promotion you’re looking for, you’ll want to play it cool because everything you need is in order.  In the workplace upper management will be paying attention.  Don’t get paranoid!  They are seeing your natural charisma, leadership and your ability to follow through as a means of possible advancement.

In the evenings this month you’ll want select a hybrid in a peace pipe to keep your mind open, uplifted and your spirits high.  If you are in a relationship, know that bullying any idea will ensure trouble. Your partner may not be picking up what you’re laying down at this time.  Instead hit that peace pipe and remember you can talk about this next month.  If you’re single do not loose your temper with your overbearing relatives.  It will get you no where.  Everyone needs to be themselves this month, even you.  Don’t forget your pipe or your water sign superpowers to get along with everyone this month.