Virgo

Earth Sign – The Virgin – August 23 – September 22

Nothing gets passed the stoner Virgo. The virgin of the stoner Zodiac is detail oriented, and always knows who’s holding the good green. No smoke circle is complete without this practical stoner. They may not know the most exotic smoke spots, but the stoner Virgo will always find a safe smoke spot.

The stoner Virgo is hyper-aware and often hyperactive. Calming strains like Granddaddy Purple and Jack Herer can help ease anxiety and bring more clarity to Virgo’s manic mind. The sacred herb in general helps the stoner Virgo ease the tension of living with a perfectionist’s aspirations.

The stoner Virgo is the perfect canna-buddy to help solve a problem or organize an idea. And this kind kush toker will always arrive on time to help a fellow cannabis companion.

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Virgo Stoner Horoscope September

What a long strange trip it’s been stoner Virgo.  The past is a memory.  The future is a dream.  The present is an illusion in between.

If the illusion gets a little squirrely this month, be prepared to lean on your cannabis copilot to appreciate the past, and manifest positivity in the future.  This exercise will allow you to see through the illusion with your third eye sight.

Chill stoner Virgo!  This is your illusion, but it is shared with your cannabis companions.  Often frustration and disappointment are born out of your expectations.

Toke time with the sacred herb to meditate on reasonable management of expectations.  It is not the responsibility of your canna-crew to meet your expectations stoner Virgo.  This simple medicated meditation with cannabis could make all the difference between a positive illusion, and a dramatic nightmare in the first Fall month.

You like puzzles don’t you stoner Virgo?  Think of September as your own jigsaw.  Use the sacred herb to climb high above the terrestrial plane to see where all the pieces fit.  This higher perspective will allow you to see how you fit together with coworkers and the canna-fam.

Remember my stoner Virgin:  You are merely a piece in the grand puzzle.

There will be challenges during the month to prove your authenticity, and ability, within the broader smoke circle.  With a keen third eye toward your own expectations, and a high minded view of your place within the grand scheme, you will pass all cosmic tests.

The Full Moon on the 20th will mark a time to withdraw and assess where you are in between appreciation and manifestation.  Cosmic winds of chaos may be causing interference with communications between the canna-crew.  Sometimes the puzzle piece just doesn’t fit stoner Virgo.  Are you forcing it?

When frustration mounts, toke time with the sacred herb to find your strategic center.  Appreciate the past.  Manifest positivity in the future.  Get through the illusion of today.

Virgo Stoner Horoscope August

Stoner Virgo the month of August will be similar to that time you hit the pipe, or joint, one time too many in one session.  Crashing waves of stoned paranoia followed by troughs of paralyzing deep contemplative thoughts all leaving you beached on an island within yourself.  

We’ve all been there, my logical Virgin.  The great news is that you survived that face melting stoned psychedelic experience, and perhaps you even learned valuable lessons from it.  August will be similar.  

On the final day of July cosmic machinations from solar system events threw the stoner Virgo into a new state of mind.  This event may be so impactful that the nature of how you see yourself, and the world, could be dramatically changed.  

Rusty Eric wisely said, “When you allow your ego to control your thoughts, everything you believe becomes an illusion.”  

Stoner Virgo, the key to progress in August will be to survive and thrive within the deep cosmic waves in the first half of the month.  Then find an adaptive plan in the second.  All the while your stout work ethic, and logical brain, will guide you through all phases.  

The cannabis prescription for this mind melting month is a bit loose.  Each stoner Virgo must make their own decisions at appropriate times regarding the sacred herb.  Absolutely stock a high CBD low THC cannabis strain in your stash box for the month.  Especially for the first decade.  

The universe will be sending enough waves of deep contemplation.  You will want your cannabis copilot to assist in dealing with your thoughts, versus accentuating them.  

Stock your favorite Sativa strains for the second half of the month.  The creativity of the Sativa species may assist in the adaptive cosmic notes of the final two weeks. 

Know this my stoner Virgin:  As with that moment you got too high, and everything was uneasy and confusing, you were ok.  When your worldview is challenged in August, remember, everything is going to be ok.

Virgo Stoner Horoscope July

Stoner Virgo, your Zodiac peers often look enviously to your example:  An easy breezy, go-with-the-flow kind of stride that keeps everyone wondering, “How DO they do it?”  As nice as it is to recite mantras like, ‘keep calm and puff on’ or ‘light up and let go’, you know the truth stoner Virgo: It takes work!

Don’t get caught up in making it look so easy.  You love it when the stars align to pave the way for a peaceful path ahead. But, you are equally excited when the cosmos has a little chaos in store.  You don’t seek out troubles stoner Virgo, yet you are willing, and ready, to face any challenge that you encounter during your terrestrial travels. 

Stoner Virgo, the secret to maintaining forward moving momentum this season will be to celebrate your setbacks as readily as your successes. Even when you miss your mark, or fail to cross the finish line, there is opportunity for growth. There are times when instead of letting go, it is better to lean into our mistakes.

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Meditating with the sweet soothing vapors of sensimilla will not just be helpful this month, it will be essential. Breath deep stoner Virgo. Inhale the perspective expanding magic of the sacred herb, and allow it to elevate your perspective. From this higher vantage point, you will be better poised to see the big picture.

It will be a challenge for the ever-ambitious stoner Virgo, but one of the most productive things you can do this month is to give yourself a break. You are the master of the daily grind, but right now you might be questioning what you’re moving toward. 

With the help of the sacred herb, and a set schedule for mindful medicated meditation, you will find your inspiration again. Solo smoke sessions will give you the space and setting for self-reflection, away from any outside forces or influences. 

After some much needed time spent alone, smoking out and looking inward, you will be eager to rejoin your fellow stoner Zodiac on their cosmic cannabis chronicles.  You will be ready again to rise to any unexpected detour or obstacle the Summer brings. But different from the tense, self-critical days early in the month, you’ll now know that it’s okay if you decide to puff puff and pass the first time around.  To try again later after you’ve given yourself more time to pause, puff, and prepare.

Virgo Stoner Horoscope June

Stoner Virgo, get ready for an intriguing June.  Mercury and Saturn are in retrograde this month, and the effects could be more dramatic for the hard working Virgin.

You must find your inner chill stoner Virgo.  Seek out an Indica dominant hybrid cannabis strain to utilize as your daily driver for the month.  Wedding Cake should do nicely.  Mercury in retrograde affects communications with your fellow terrestrial astronauts.  The Saturn retrograde gives a two-handed shove of momentum to communication breakdowns in the work sphere.  But fear not my diligent stoner Virgo, with foreknowledge and your cannabis copilot, you will get through this difficult stage with all your precious glass intact.  One of the benefits of the Mercury retrograde is the opportunity to analyze your terrestrial station.  Use smoke sessions with the sacred herb to seek a higher perspective on your current work situation.  How much does work dominate your personal life?  Is there room to dampen down the perfectionist expectations on others while you delegate work tasks?  Perhaps you are bearing the load because of your direct actions?  Toke time to contemplate your actions and decisions in the work sphere, and how they can be adjusted to promote a higher quality of life in future periods.

Make it a mantra this month:  Chill stoner Virgo.  Perhaps put some soothing reggae music on top of your playlist.  But repeat this mantra over and over again.  June is not the month to take on arguments with coworkers or partners-in-chronic.  Yes, you might have to perform the difficult task of biting your tongue this month.  Put that argument in your pocket, and analyze it during a medicated meditative smoke session later.  Find your chill stoner Virgo, or insignificant moments of disagreement could become dramatic moments of argument. 

Chill stoner Virgo.  Everything is going to be ok.  A lot of this broad personal contemplation with the sacred herb could unlock massively progressive points of freedom within your spirit.  Accepting a lack of control while strengthening your self confidence could be a combination leading to spiritual freedom.  By the time the Full Moon on June 24th rises, you should be feeling like a new you.  Spark a bowl on this date, and celebrate the majesty of our universe, and your place in it.

Virgo Stoner Horoscope May

Stoner Virgo, you are the kind hearted organized ally of the stoner Zodiac.  So much of your terrestrial mission is in service to others, particularly your close cannabis companions within the smoke circle.  The month of May brings with it an uncomfortable selfish breeze from the universe.  But don’t fret my analytical Virgin, the selfish breeze may create unease, but it will assist in much needed internal work that could unlock personal progress.

Now more than ever stoner Virgo, you must forgive yourself.  Use the sacred herb as a catalyst to see the impact you can have internally.  The quest for perfection, and heightened expectations, lead to disappointment with yourself.  Pack the bowl, inhale the perspective expanding nature of the sacred herb, and exhale harsh internal criticism.  The cannabis strain does not matter.  The personal mental time dedicated to the medicated meditative smoke session is the necessary step to take in May.  Make sure to toke time for solo deep dives with your sacred herbal copilot many times in the final Spring month.

Take time to create stoner Virgo.  Meditative moments with the sacred herb don’t always have to be in a dark quiet space.  Find an activity to keep your hands active while your mind can wonder and heal.  Gardening is a great activity to turn the blank canvas of soil into a living growth of nutrition.  Perhaps there are artistic endeavors or renovation projects to keep your physical body busy while you contemplate life, the universe, and everything.  Feed your head and feed your soul in May my stoner Virgin.

Make sure to tackle the task of personal growth in a safe space stoner Virgo.  After all, this month is all about you.  Once you have fully taken the internal empathetic lessons provided by the sacred herb, you will emerge on the terrestrial plane with a newfound confidence in your stride.  Heal yourself first stoner Virgo, and then you can better help others heal.  By the end of May, the smoke circle will have a refreshed attentive Virgo once again to assist them in all their smokey adventures.

Virgo Stoner Horoscope April

Cosmic vibes in April favor the natural traits of the stoner Virgo.  Ah yes my helpful Virgin, it will be nice to have a cosmic breeze at your back while you traverse the terrestrial plane.  But this warm influence will amplify all of your stonerific qualities, maybe even the ones that can cause friction with your canna-crew.

Organization and analytical analysis will be supported by a bright cosmic breeze this month.  This means toke it out, and plan it out.  Any stuck gears in the sphere of economics can be loosened in April.  There is a solution or an escape from any problem or obstacle.  Medicated meditations with the sacred herb can assist in all problem solving missions.  This month is a great time to combine your analytical mind with herbal enhancements to solving economic issues.

The Kinks said it best in 1981 stoner Virgo, “Paranoia the destroyer.”  Don’t destroy yourself this month with an overactive analytical brain.  The cosmic blessing in April is simply an amplification of your own stoner traits.  So that overactive brain will be more troublesome within the personal sphere this month.  Use the sacred herb as a catalyst to find perspective instead of a tool to descend into a paranoid rabbit hole.  Stock some CBD flower on hand to mix in if an overactive brain brings unwanted anxiety.

Chill stoner Virgo.  Select some Indica dominant cannabis hybrids for the stash jar this month.  Mid month you will notice a manic surge of energy from the cosmos.  All those ideas and plans will be wonderful to brainstorm and execute.  Everything might seem a bit brighter.  BUT, there are many stoner traits among the stoner Zodiac.  Not every stoner star sign will be feeling your natural burst of energy, and bright enthusiasm.  So chill stoner Virgo.  Even in those manic moments of great ambition, toke time to relax.  Use the sacred herb as a catalyst to find understanding, empathy, and patience with your cannabis companions.

This is a powerful month for you stoner Virgo.  Much progress can be made on the terrestrial plane.  But as you fly close to the Sun of energetic ambitions, don’t burn the wings of your partners in chronic.  With the sacred herb as your copilot, you should be able to navigate your high flying travels safely with the smoke circle still intact.

Virgo Stoner Horoscope March

Stoner Virgo the transition to Spring will find a wonderfully positive influence from our grand celestial bodies.  The particular positive push from the universe will combine well with your natural stoner tendencies and traits.  Compounding this positive combination will be the impact felt in both the personal and work spheres.

Alright my practical stoner Virgin, the cosmos will be sending waves of creativity to accentuate your logical hard working spirit this month.  March will be the perfect time to break into the staples of your sacred stash jar.  Granddaddy Purple or Jack Herer cannabis strains will ease internal tensions, and allow your sacred herbal assistant to act as divining rod between the cosmic creative influence of the celestial bodies, and your terrestrial ambitions.  Use your medicated meditative smoke sessions in March as a catalyst to find creative inspiration with positive impact in both the personal and work spheres.

Stoner Virgo your logical nature can mute your emotional communications.  In the first 20 days of March, the creative influence of the cosmos will help find new ways to express yourself to your cannabis companions and close partners in chronic.  Use the sacred herb as a catalyst to bring deep internal feelings to the surface, and share them with the canna-fam.  With personal growth come personal rewards!

This cosmic creative push will bring a new tool to your work arsenal stoner Virgo.  Toke time for solo smoke sessions away from the work setting to contemplate problems and obstacles.  These medicated meditative smoke sessions will uncover out-of-the-box pathways that could unlock doors to future progress within the economic machinery.

Stoner Virgo March 20th marks the Spring Equinox, and the beginning of a new astrological year.  This transition may bring about contemplation of spiritual and philosophical aspects of our terrestrial world.  This introspection will be a wonderful finish to the creative push of March.  Once again your sacred herbal assistant will help you dive deep into yourself; not to answer philosophical dilemmas, but to ask the right questions.  After this thought provoking productive month, you will transition into the new astrological year with a new way to see the future.  Here’s to puff puff passing productive progress.

Virgo Stoner Horoscope February

Stoner Virgo can you direct change within a consistent routine?  Can you build a house within a home?  The February time period will flow naturally toward your stoner strengths:  Consistency, Diligence, and Heart.  Keep the stash jar loaded stoner Virgo.  This month is full of complex puzzles you are sure to enjoy, especially with your herbally enhanced third eye vision.

Diligence within routine and work ethic are monumental strengths of the stoner Virgo.  However, a singular focus on task mastery can leave the stoner Virgin without general navigation.  Universal influence in February will bring winds of change to this realm of Virgo strength.  But understand that this change is not in action, but in direction.  Throughout the month, you must toke time with the sacred herb to contemplate your navigational drives.  Use the sacred herb to fly high above the terrestrial plane.  Seek out a wider perspective.  Follow the trail of daily tasks, and see where they lead.  Ahhh yes stoner Virgo, with your third eye vision fully engaged, now you can adjust where your daily diligence will lead you.

As you look up from the task list to find your direction, you should also toke time to recognize the foundation of familial support you have created.  Cosmic influence in February is one of perspective.  As it relates to cannabis companions and the broader smoke circle, you will find strength in appreciation.  Perhaps the daily grind on the task list has decoupled the connection with your stoner family.  February is a great opportunity to recognize the bonds within your canna fam.  This simple recognition and appreciation will help to strengthen green trichomes that bond the smoke circle together. 

I don’t have a specific cannabis strain to help guide you stoner Virgo.  The most important cannabis prescription for February is consistent smoke sessions.  From this task you will find perspective, both in your daily drives, and in matters of the heart.  Never forget, all the spheres of life are connected.

Virgo Stoner Horoscope January

Stoner Virgo you are a unique terrestrial astronaut flying through the galaxy on our cosmic spaceship.  You are a hard worker; organized in your routine and ambitious undertakings.  This month will provide a break from routine.  Prepare to feed your head instead of the to-do list in January.  There may be uncomfortable aspects to the second Winter month, but with the sacred herb as your spiritual guide, you can navigate these unfamiliar spaces with great personal progress.  Different isn’t a dirty word my anal retentive stoner, sometimes it can be an opportunity.

Stoner Virgo there is a specific opportunity presented by a universal influence to innovate within the work sphere.  In the days preceding the New Moon of the 12th, make time for a group strategy session.  If you are able to combust the sacred herb with your coworkers, perhaps ideas and plans will illuminate with the passing of a joint.  No matter the method or occupation, be sure to lead, communicate, and collaborate before the New Moon.

As a double dose of positivity, a universal influence will give a positive push to personal endeavors in the days after the New Moon of the 12th.  Toke time to meditate with the sacred herb, and take time for a passion project or hobby that has gone neglected during busy past periods.

Busy bird stoner Virgo.  There may be parts of January that drift without winds of action.  For an active stoner, the lack of motion can bring boredom or even depression.  Do not fight these moments of cosmic malaise stoner Virgo.  These moments are an opportunity.  Select an Indica cannabis strain from your sacred stash jar for these moments.  Toke time to reflect on the hurried and busy nature of yourself, and the world.  Perhaps you need a break, and now is the time.  It is in these medicated meditative moments with the sacred herb where you might find new direction in personal health.  Cosmic stagnation can lead to personal epiphanies.  Use the sacred herb to transfer moments of possible boredom or depression into moments of contemplation and recovery.  Feed your head stoner Virgin.  Take care of mind, body, and spirit.

Virgo Stoner Horoscope December

Stoner Virgo the month of December sets up like an older stoner classic, the peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Two opposite worlds will combine for straight fire this month.  And, as with the sandwich, the ingredients and process will be easy to procure and execute.

First the peanut butter, the foundational glue to the delicious delite.  The holiday season can be stressful.  Always somewhere to go and something to do can compound into an overwhelming task list that ends in anxiety.  To get through this period my analytical Virgin, you must keep a keen eye on the battery charge within your cosmic spacesuit.  Even the best task master takes time for a break between hard charges.  This month you must toke time for self at opportune moments.  Use the sacred herb at the right times to break free from terrestrial stress and recharge your proverbial batteries.  These solo smoke breaks with the sacred herb will provide the sticky glue of solitude that keeps the sandwich of success together.

And now stoner Virgo, the jelly.  The jelly adds the excitement to the stoner classic munchie.  The wonderful blessing of the holiday season is all the opportunities for celebratory gatherings within the canna-fam and the extended smoke circle.  It is predicted that the well-rested stoner Virgo will be living the high life in December.  Make sure you have your portable smoke kit and stash jar ready to roll, because this month you will be flying high from one smoke out to the next.

I have a specific prescription for the New Moon of the 14th.  Toke time with a cannabis companion to appreciate the relationship and terrestrial home built together.  Roast bowls and cuddle up for a night in.  For single stoner Virgo’s this time is equally important.  Peak emotional winds could be blowing through your house during the New Moon.  Stay in, sink deep into a solo smoke session, and contemplate appreciation for how you got to this sacred position on our terrestrial plane.

Remember stoner Virgo, balance is the key to success and progress in December.  Too much peanut butter will choke a dry cotton mouth.  Too much jelly might send you into a tailspin of sugar burn out.  But, together with proper balance, you have the perfect treat that will satisfy any stoner within the Zodiac.

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